A
s a part of my healing, I took a deeper look at Francine. She was, I assumed, very much like my mother. I wondered if my mother had had Francine's guilt and allowed myself to believe that she had ended her life because the guilt was greater than what crack could erase. I wanted Francine to be whole - I understood her brokenness and also knew that she needed to be healed on the inside. No amount of therapy would matter as long as her heart remained guilty. I began to earnestly pray for Francine. I also asked God to give me a door to talk about the saving grace of Christ.
A gainst everything I had learned in graduate school, I became adamant about being deliberate in witnessing to Francine. After realizing that God had been the difference in my life, and after admitting that I had cradled my feelings of worthlessness, I made a conscious choice to be whole. My zeal to share this new found deliverance was a burning desire. It was more than just me wanting to do it - I knew I had to. Meeting Francine was not by accident - there was some bigger picture that I had yet to see clearly. Francine was searching for a release from the guilt of giving up her children for drugs, and I was searching for a release from feeling abandoned by a mother who chose drugs over me.